smallhobbit | Stillborn

Angelica watched as Elizabeth took the bundle out of the cell. Her mind was numb; so much pain, so much blood and for what? Her arms reached out, subconsciously trying to find something, but there was nothing there. The room, that a few minutes ago had been filled with her screams, was now deathly silent. She strained her ears, trying to hear a cry, there must be a cry, just a little one. Silence. Where was her baby? Why had Elizabeth taken her baby away? Why hadn’t he cried? He was never going to cry.

Low voices from outside. “Born too soon.” Everything came too soon. Her arrest came too soon, no time to say farewell to Thomas. Their parting had come too soon, only one night as man and wife. This war had come too soon, robbing her of the life she had once planned.

“No air in his lungs.” He never breathed, never knew the sweetness of life. Never looked up at the sky and watched the clouds scudding past, feeling the wind on his cheeks, running through the grass. Never knew love, never felt pain. Never experienced man’s cruelty, never suffered, never knew fear.

The door opens and she looks up. Sexby enters quietly, concern showing in his eyes. Faithful Sexby, why is he still here? He has sworn to protect her, although even he can do so for only a little longer. Maybe she will ask him to sit with her tonight, although he cannot protect her from her dreams. But will she sleep at all tonight? The baby, the baby.

She has failed her baby. She has failed them all: baby, Thomas, Harry. All are dead. Angelica clasped her knees and rocked backwards and forwards, lost in her grief. Sexby sat by her, longing to comfort her, to share some of her agony, to do anything to assuage a little of the pain. Tentatively he stroked her hair.

Suddenly Angelica stopped rocking. Through the mists of her sorrow, she could begin to see her path forward. To give in now would be to deny everything she’d fought and, yes, killed for. Her destiny was sealed, but she would give no man, and particularly not that man, the satisfaction of seeing her as weak and afraid. She repented of nothing. Drawing on a strength she hadn’t even known she had she turned to Sexby.

“Now the law can hang me. Ask Elizabeth to fetch me my wedding dress.”